People come in and out of your life at different times for different reasons.
I’d like to change that first word to “Moms."
Yes, Moms come in and out of our lives at different times for different reasons.
It was 13 years ago and I was sitting at my kitchen table, our son Anthony was 2 and our daughter Gianna was just born. My husband and I had lived 4 hours from family. I had no one. I felt alone. My husband had recently taken a new position and he was working what felt like 20 hours a day 7 days a week. He was making a name for himself and I was doing what I had always dreamt of doing, being a stay at home mom. I had a part time gig, personal training in my home. Which meant that many times my kids came to work with me. They followed me down the stairs almost every single time.
You see, I was a fitness trainer and I had a gym in my basement. My clients would come in and out through the back of my house. If I had a client cancel and my husband was home, I would just sit on the basement couch with my "In Touch Magazine" splurge (always felt guilty about buying this at the grocery store) and wait until I was certain they were in bed. I would wait until I didn't hear the pitter patter of bare feet running across the hard wood floor. I swear this helped me be a better mom the next day. (Maybe or maybe not but it was all I can do for myself.) #sorrynotsorry
I never told my husband this but if he reads this Blog, he will now know one of my many secrets I kept as a young mom to keep my sanity. Some days, I just needed a break. Some days I felt that if I went back upstairs to help put the kids to bed that I would be angry and yelling at them. That I would resent my husband for not doing it all by himself. I was worried that if I did go up there in this frame of mind, they wouldn't get their bed time story because I was exhausted and on the verge of tears.
I strongly believe whether you decide to stay home or not, you have many of these days and nights. One way is not easier than the other! I cannot even imagine working an 8 hour day to come home and cook dinner, do laundry, clean up and go on with a bedtime routine.
A few weeks after our Gianna was born my mom came to help. I had mastitis and was very sick, my husband had his new position and I was ALONE. I had NO ONE! I honestly didn’t know if was going to be able to do this on my own without my mom. She held me while I was sobbing at the kitchen table because I didn’t want her to leave.
Just like her, she wiped my tears and said, “Stop it Nicole, this is your life and you can do it!” I remember this day like it was yesterday. Gianna was in a blue bouncer seated on top of the kitchen table and I was manually bouncing her because the batteries died and I rarely had C batteries in the house. I only bought those when needed because those suckers aren’t cheap and we were living in northern VA on one income.
“You need to join a group Nicole and meet more people. Find other moms, there are groups you can join." This is coming from a woman who started her own Sorority at Mansfield University, her own pre-school business and ran the Women’s Club in our town. This was easy for her. She continued, "Get on that thing and search for a moms group." She meant the computer and she handed me her credit card to pay the fee because I didn't want to spend any money and just like that I joined the Mom’s Club.
Let me tell you about my new friends! These women came into my life at this time for these very reasons:
These were the moms who got me through the days without sleep. These were the women who even though I didn’t know them quite yet, did not care if my house was a mess when it was my day to host. We sat on the floor, Indian style and vented. Vented about how tired we were or how a mess our house was on any given day.
These were the moms we called first when we thought we might be expecting again. The ones we showed the pregnancy tests over and over again either scared or happy it was one way or the other.
These were the moms who watched your kids when you had your gyno visit so you didn’t have to bring the monsters with you and make sure they stayed up by your head during the check-up. DISASTER!
These were the ones you called when you were crying because nothing stopped your child from coughing. They understood that your husband was able to sleep through the night while you were dealing with a screaming- coughing child in your room, next to your sleeping husband with the lights on. Yup, I was there too mama!
These were the moms that I met at Chick-fil-A and spent hours just chatting waiting for the magic time to come where our husbands were home and could pass 1/2 the torch. Yes, only half, because in reality, we just get things done faster.
These were the moms who helped me decorate my home, swapped ideas about dinners, shared where to get the best kids clothes on sale or how to sneakily buy Christmas gifts for our kids without our husbands really knowing how much we spent.
These were the moms on your speed dial when you needed to get through an upcoming weekend with the in-laws. They were the ones who just listened and supported.
These were the friends that if you were having a huge party, they came for support. Just having them there was comfort. How many times have you said to your girlfriends, “Make sure you are here and don’t leave me!”
These were the ones who you dialed first when a tragedy happened. The ones you knew would be there to help with your kids. The ones who would text or call your husband to see if he needed help. Or the ones who would just drop off dinner for him and the kiddos. The ones who cried with you. The ones who texted you constantly to make sure you were ok.
These moms were our rocks! They were there for a reason and we must cherish that reason and that time. I was recently taught that friendships sometimes come full circle. Sometimes you may drift because of where life takes you and sometimes you will circle right back to your "go to" mamas.
No matter what, these moms are in your forever gang, they got your back no matter what. I know that if I needed one of these mamas, they would be there, no questions asked.
These are the moms that helped us get through some of the most challenging times in our life during the new baby-new mom years.
I am sure you have that mama or 2 that come to mind,
There are challenging times during each stage and keep an eye out for Part 2- "Thank you to the moms who got me through the preschool and elementary school years.