"Mom, are you and dad getting a divorce?"

Posted Apr 3rd, 2019 in Family

Mom, are you and dad getting a divorce? "A" and I listened to your argument and most of it was pretty funny but you slept on the couch. I think you guys fight a lot. But Anthony and I couldn't stop laughing especially when dad said, "I am sick of you saying nobody's perfect." 

"Thanks G, glad our misery brought you and A some bedtime entertainment!"

Yep! It was a big one. There are 2 things we fight about. Money and In-Laws. That's it. Really more the later than the first.  Sometimes we see eye to eye and sometimes we don't. Maybe you are like me. I take ownership immediately just to quiet things down and then I get angry once I realize I didn't agree with my own immediate action.

This time I needed to be heard. I needed validation. I knew I wasn't the entire issue. I needed my husband to see that. I used to struggle with verbalizing my words and feelings. Many years of therapy has finally taught me how to "get it out" and not hold it in for weeks!

It took tons of $50 co-pays for me to learn. Thank you MaryEllen! xoxo

GG and I have an extremely close yet very intense relationship. We share lots. Maybe too much for some of you. Of course we have our battles but there is a very strong bond. I am not bragging because sometimes this can backfire. G and I created Girl Code Inc. because we see the importance of communication. My mom was the best, I love and miss her dearly but she didn't have great communication skills nor was I taught! #gonetoosoon #hehasyoursmile #shehasyourwit

So as Gianna continues to drill me about the argument days later, I realize this an opportunity to share my wisdom. (cough)

Here are 5  things I learned about fighting with my hubs that I wish Pre-cana taught me! #itsbs

1. Write it out first. This is therapy and then if you want your spouse to read it, go ahead! I just did this and MAN! Not only did it help but he was able to see my point of view without me screaming. He appreciated the letter. Once written, I was able to see that the other person didn't need to see this, it didn't matter. I only needed my hubs to see it. EMPOWERED!!!!!! 

2. Take ownership of your mistakes. Own it and work on it. No excuse and never play the victim! ("Poor You"- our popular household phrase when someone DARES to play victim!)

3. Listen don't just hear. Reminds me of the scene from "White Men Can't Jump" (Wesley Snipes had it wrong all these years......LOL) Description below:

"Medically speaking, Hearing and listening are not the same thing. Hearing is the act of perceiving sound. It is involuntary and simply refers to the reception of aural stimuli. Listening is a selective activity which involves the reception and the interpretation of aural stimuli."

4. Accept each others faults.... WOW! Slow down Nicole! I know mama! This is hard, I mean REALLY hard. And for me it's hard when others can't "see" their own faults. I have plenty! Gianna just said to me this morning, "How about maybe you can't be wrong?" 

"How about maybe you pick a finger?"
(As I hold up my hand to her...I didn't really say that, I swear!)

5. Last but certainly not least: SPEAK UP! SPEAK UP! I did not learn to verbalize my feelings and emotions until just recently.By not having this skill, I know it has hurt some of my friendships. But over the past few years I have reached out and chatted with a few of my girlfriends, we need women in our lives! Just the other day, G was concerned with something and I said talk to your dad. I then went on to say ,"If you can't talk openly to your dad, you will never be able to speak up to your boyfriends, husband, friends, in-laws,  etc.." Am I right?

Can I leave you with a quote, I got it from PINK but she got it from Shakespeare. I am so scholarly!

"to thine own self be true" 

(Couldn't help the pic, I have a slight obsession, who is going to next concert with me? Paul said he is done...And PS: I told GG, when we stop yelling that's when you need to worry because it means we stopped caring. He's my first and only Love!)

Raise your Glass,

Nicole

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