"Mom, I am not smart, I don't have Anthony's brain. I can't do it!

Posted Mar 27th, 2019 in Family

First of all, when I hear one of my monsters say , "I can't do it," I want to physically shake the hell out of them. This was instilled in me when I was child and if you ask my father the story he will tell you over and over again how he yelled at me when I was on a Diamond Ski Slope, crying I couldn't go down the mountain and he about lost it! (Mind you, I was around 4 years old. Daughter of a military man, "No" is not an option!) From then on, taking "No" for answer for something just never existed again in my life. On a  funny side note, Paul will often say to me, "You are going to do it anyway, so why are you even asking me?" HAHAH!

It was her birthday, September 18, 2018 and she was in tears, bawling! Because I told her she couldn't do track. You see, she didn't make the team. But GG didn't take no for an answer, GG emailed the coach multiple times once she found out girls quit and went out for cheer. She new there were spaces available and she wanted one of them.  I had no clue she emailed him. (multiple times, lol!) 

We were at the kitchen island studying and she was struggling. I was saying things to her like, "Are you even paying attention?" (I was so mad, feeling she was messing around in school!) Then she went to check her email, on her birthday, and came running in and said , "Mom, I made the team." My immediate response;  "NO! Gianna, school comes first and you are not doing well!" Then, she lost it. She sat there in tears saying things like:

"I just can't do it, Mom!"

"I don't have Anthony's brain!"

"I come home and can't remember ANYTHING I learned!"

"PLEASE, let me do track!"

Well, it wasn't until she was screaming crying about how school is so hard that I realized, OH MY GOD, I need to help her! Then, I lost it, tears galore, realizing I missed some really big signs!

Paul pulled me aside and said, "How could you take that moment away from her?" I was looking at it from only one perspective, No grades, No Sports.

Long story short, I reached out to her amazing guidance counselor and she rallied her teachers, we had a meeting and they taught Paul and I a few lessons. WOW! When you ask for help, you get it! They made the simplest adjustments and empowered her! I will forever be grateful! She's doing great! 

What's the point? We need to ask for help. We need to be humbled! It's ok for someone other than ourselves to tell us what might be good for our child. Sometimes I don't like hearing it but I still NEED to hear it! Sometimes a friend can see something you don't.

So I ask you, are you willing to ask for help? Are you a know it all like I once was? You do not have all the answers mama! And when you think you CAN'T do something, God Dammit you can but you may need to reach out for help! Gianna needed help! So I had to help her by getting help myself! I needed Paul to question me, I needed the guidance counselor to support us and I needed the track coach to push her out of her comfort zone, set goals and reach them! (Humbling Moment right here!)

Being a mama ain't easy

Now here is something I learned and I want to share. Look at your circle around you and your "Fab 5" as I like to call them. These are the people you spend the most time with. Do they push you, love you, are brutally honest with you, do they represent who you want to be? If not, it's time to do some "Spring Cleaning" and re-evaluate your "Fab 5". These may change from time to time. And who knew Gianna's Guidance Counselor would be on that list? 

We talked about this at our first meeting at Girl Code Inc, now we are going to set some goals to reach for the person we want to be! These girls are gonna feel what setting goals and reaching them feels like. Did you know only 20% of Americans set goals and only 8% of that 20% reach them? I want GG and I to be in the 8%. You? We are doing something about it and you can join us! We are powerful in numbers! 

Just remember, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING my dear friend!

xoxo,

Nicole 

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