Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten. BULL! Lies, it's all lies! No one tells you the ugly stuff. No one warns you about hormonal tweens. No one tells you that the Exorcist enters your house and on any given day her head may or may not spin around.
Can I tell you that I tried to keep her from getting her period. Uh-Uh. I purposely did not feed her chicken breasts because I was afraid of the extra hormones she may eat. I kept her away from cow milk because of the research and hormone correlation. I kept her active hoping it would stay away.
Did not help at all! I was in High School when Aunt Flow came to visit. I was not expecting this from my girl. I'll blame it on my husbands side for the early visit.
For those of you who have entered this part of parenthood, enjoy the list and maybe you can even add to mine. Those of you who are waiting for the call from school or lack of a call (mine took matters into her own hands and didn't need me dammit! I got jipped out of that moment because she takes care of shit! UGGGG) enjoy the list and be sure to be ready like you were when you had your hospital bag packed weeks in advance and she came late anyway.
Top 5 items to keep on hand when your girl gets her "friend."
1. Cheap toilet paper. Cause she will wrap that bad boy up somedays and use the Ultra Strong Double Roll Charmin that costs more than a steak at Ruth's Chris.
2. Garbage Can with a lid. NOT ONE SHE HAS TO LIFT. A step trash can. Why? Because that lid will not go back on somedays and mamas with dogs.....Well, you know what happens. I can still hear Paul gagging an screaming, I personally thought it was funny! Grab the 20% off coupon, head over to BB&B and spring for the step trash can.
3. The small trash can liners. Do , I really need to explain this? I think not! But teach her how to grab the ends, twirl and spin that full bag and make a knot. We know she won't use the twist ties!
4. Stock in Always. They feel the need to change theses bad boys every five minutes.
5. Ben & Jerry's - Like I used to tell her when she would say to me, "Mom, stop eating your feelings." This is an out of body experience. What comes over us? We CAN NOT and WILL NOT stop. And we know exactly what we are doing. She now gets it. CANNOT STOP EATING THE CHOCOLATE. 1 pint, 2 spoons.
Do you feel me mamas? Can you relate? If not, then please tell me where I am going wrong. This whole tween-teen thing is BANANAS!