As a mom who screws up daily, I just Googled "Qualities of a Good Mom". Mama, are you ready for these? Because I now want to jump off a bridge. I'll give you the address, we can do it together!
1. You sign her up for Etiquette Class so she can be classy not sassy.
Living in northern Virginia, in one of the wealthiest counties in the US and basically living off of one income... this "ain't" happening. Because then I'll have to buy her a really expensive dress and shoes that she will outgrow by the time the "Etiquette Party" comes around.
2. Trying to see things from her point of view.
Really? When she's in the 6th grade and wants Social Media, wait a minute, she lies and uses her old itouch to download SNAP and sneaks it for weeks, hides in her room and follows boys that tell her or rate her about dating, looks, feelings, etc..... UMMM NO! How can I see things from her point of view when her brain isn't even built yet. NEXT......
Today I earned a 10. No joke! I asked my hubs would he mind if I met my friend at the gym and he would get the kids ready and off for school. Since I work from home, I have done this for years. Wait for it.
I get in the car at 6:40am to head back home, I click on Life 360 and it shows that my son is still at home. NOT GOOD! I call my hubs, no answer..... I text, no answer. I walk in and the dog, GINO, comes down stretching like he just slept for 12 hours. EVERYONE SLEPT IN, missed the bus and we are now late to start the day. GG comes to the kitchen and says, "WOW Mom, I expected you to lose it." I said, "I am really trying hard to keep my cool." This house will not wake without me getting up. What the hell have I done. Why do we have to be the roosters, I am setting my kids up for failure. What will happen when they head off to college and they go to sit in the cafeteria and wait to be served. Might be good. They will not gain the Freshman 15! Instead they will lose the Freshman 15!
4. Setting Boundaries.
Really?!? I still can't poop, shower or get changed without my kids walking in and asking me a million questions about our schedule or what's for dinner when their dad is literally in the kitchen. My boundaries were violated when they tried to exit through my "hoo ha" then tore open my gut for life.
5. Learning discipline is a good thing - gentle non-violent discipline.
YIKES! (Failed) I was a SAHM with a part time gig. We don't have much money for me to have nice things. Everything I buy is on sale or cheap. When I do purchase something a little nice, I do not want GG touching it. My shoes, for example. I just bought (ON SALE mind you) a cute pair of heels. I rarely get to wear heels but I loved these, I had a coupon and I grabbed them. I have yet to wear them out. She's up in her room "STUDYING" and she's grounded for the whole social media sneaky crap stuff. I head into her room to find 6 pairs of my heels thrown all over her floor. There they were, my new ones. I DIDN'T EVEN WEAR THEM YET! Can't I have ANYTHING that's just MINE?!? (PS- she made it out alive)
6. Have a sense of humor.
I have this one nailed down. But I have to tell you what my kids are singing these days.
Have you heard that song by Ava Max , "Sweet but Psycho"? If not, Google it. My kids now sing, "Oh Mom's sweet but she's psycho". I have to say, that's pretty damn funny. I like to think of myself as a Lucille Ball kind of mom. She loves her kids and her hubby to death but she's a hot mess yet kind of funny!
This one cracks me up. Balance? Pick a Finger Balance. What the hell does that even mean. B-A-L-A-N-C-E. A little of this and a little of that. Throw in the flu, a dead car battery, forgotten bills to pay, sports in another county (or country sometimes it seems) OH! And don't forget we have to keep these kids clean and they want to eat a few meals a day so I have to make it to the store all while I am "Balancing". NOT A PROBLEM. When Balance turns around, I am throwing it my 2 middle fingers and my middle toes.
So now that I feel that I have failed my marriage, kids and society I hope you have a wonderfully balanced, boundary set, hilarious and proper weekend.
Meet you at the bridge sista! LOL