Dear SAHM'S: If I knew then what I know now.

Posted Mar 12th, 2019 in Family

Dear SAHM'S:  If I knew then what I know now.

Laughed at, passive aggressive comments, eye rolls, eyebrow raises, SAHM's get it all. First, I have to tell you so that you don't judge me, I worked part time around my kids.  I always thought it wasn't good enough in the eyes of others. But why the hell was I looking for the acceptance? 

Did I need to prove that staying at home was just as important as bringing in a 6 figure income. Yep....I needed that. I needed my husband to say THANK YOU, I needed my close friends not to judge me, I needed my sibling not to say "You don't understand, you don't work", I needed other family and in-laws members to say, "Nicole, you are doing a great job". I NEEDED all of that. Why?

I remember watching Good Morning America years ago and they priced out what a salary of a SAHM would be. It was around $143,000. Honestly, I thought that was low. I mean, we are on call 24/7. What about time and a half. But this was a good start. I would bring up this topic whenever I had the chance or to whomever would listen. I would tell Paul, friends, family members, other SAHMs. I was looking to be validated.

POOR YOU! That's a common phrase in our house when someone wants pity. POOR NICOLE. She wants to be validated. She wants everyone to know that her part time Personal Training Gig and SAHM status is accepted. Paul would say, "Nicole you are so insecure, YOU wanted to stay home." He knew right where to hit me, that would make my blood boil.

14 years later and I think, DAMN. I was super insecure. He was right. I should have owned EVERY. DAMN. SECOND of it. I should given them all the Ross Gellar "Friends" finger. Who are they to decide for me my life, my decisions and my family future. That's for Paul and I to battle out. Those are our arguments.  It's nobody's damn business how I decide to "create"my family except my husband and I. And man oh man we have war wounds from those arguments. 

Not to mention the credit card debt you get from a one income household, sacrificing luxuries that I was used to, wearing leggings with tiny tears near the crotch hoping I can use them a few more weeks. I am still doing that. Living in one of the wealthiest counties in the US is not an easy place to be a SAHM. But if I got paid for volunteering, sister..... I'd be in Capri right now sipping on Limoncello. I know all you SAHM's get me!

But here's the thing, I did work a little and I was still insecure. I Personal Trained and that paid for our kids birthday parties and extra necessities over the years. Why isn't that good enough. It IS good enough. It just wasn't for me. So many SAHM's feel super guilty about not bringing in a check....F that!

I am so over that. Here's my thinking. I chose to stay home. I needed in my life to watch the first step, hear the first word and get up in the middle of the night. I needed to hold them at 3am when they were sick as hell, I needed to sleep on the bathroom floor with GG while the hot shower was running so I can help her get relief. Knowing damn well I was going to get heat for the water bill next month! I didn't care. This was MY TURN to be a mom.

If I knew then what I know now:

I would not own that guilt. I would wake up every day and say to myself, " Today, I am going to be the best damn SAHM I can."

I would not let the judgement of others about me effect my confidence. 

I would own my status on Facebook as "SAHM".

I would help other SAHM's get through their most miserable days. (Oh boy, those are some of the best memories....thinking we were pregnant....AGAIN!).

I would fix their crown when it's tilted and not tell the whole world or my husband.

I would have that damn cocktail at 12pm during lunch with my others mamas.

I would not look around at Chick-fil-A during a "playdate" and pray that I didn't  see any of Paul's co-workers or working women friends.

I would have said "YES IT IS" when someone said, "Must be Nice to Stay Home".

I would have thought, I can always make money but I can't rewind the years.

So to you mama's who are living with SAHM guilt, squash it like you do when your kid keeps whining for the latest toy you can't really afford. Fix your damn crown yourself, stand tall, grab a shower (cause you probably haven't had one in a while) put on those those crotch ripped leggings and head out to Chick-fil-A with your other Badass SAHM's and own the shit out of it. 

These years freaking fly by and before you know it one day your sitting next to your son on the couch with "Man Legs" and want to curl up and cry! 

I love you boo so love what you do! Take this advice from a very wise, wonderful women:

"We all get a chance to take turns in life, this is MY turn to be a mom."



Real Women, Real Stories

  • As a full time working mom, cancer survivor, and approaching the age of 50, I've benefited tremendously from Nicole's coaching on having a healthy mind and body. Her advice shows me how to balance my priorities to make better choices every day.
    - Amy B

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